Motherhood cracked me open in a way I can hardly describe. Even with my babies being so big and grown up now everyday presents a new way to stretch and grow in my experience as their mother.
As a young mother I felt the huge responsibility of caring for another human and was pretty sure I had made a horrible mistake thinking I could keep another human alive. One day at a time that feeling faded and I felt like I was starting to get the hang of things, but as soon as I would get into a groove things would change. This has been my experience of mothering. As in life, the only constants in my parenting has been the demand to keep going even when thoroughly unsure what to do next and constant transformation. I have watched my children transform from babies, to active kids, to crazy teens to amazing young adults. I have experienced endless transformation in myself as a parent and I have watched my partner learn and grow and become throughout our parenting journey together.
As babies, my boys amazed me every single day with their wonder and joy. As they grow up it is my wonder in the young men they are becoming which is truly fantastic. Motherhood opened up joy and lighted up places which had lain dark, it has also made me bleed from places I never knew I had. Aching from holding my children and aching to hold them when we are apart has shown me pain I didn’t believe I could endure.
Before my children came into my life I thought I knew so much about babies and parenting… then I learned I actually knew absolutely NOTHING! Tremendously challenging in the moments, but such a huge opportunity to learn about the world through my children’s eyes and learn about life through mother eyes.
My body has carried and nourished them, my arms have held them, but most of all my heart has sung for them. I am so grateful!
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